like_mike (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} like_mike) wrote,@ 2006-12-08 23:54:00 |
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Equity in a friendship
Have you ever had a friend that you never knew exactly why they wanted to be your friend, or perhaps why they were quite so helpful?
I have a friend, call him workout friend. He is a private attorney. He used to work at the Public Defender Office. He is friends with many other attorneys there. That is how I met him. He gave me a few tips. Every now and again I would ask him for professional ideas. He does well in some areas I do not, so he had some good ideas.
Recently I was talking to him. I explained some things about the termination of my recent relationship, among other things. He was actually very helpful. He suggested joining a gym. Actually, he suggested joingin his gym. We have since started a joint workout program. I think the plan is 4 nights per week, with a focus on lifting weights. Actually we lift weights. Afterwords I do my own cardio. He is also trying to help me get into a slightly larger social circle and involve me in his plans with several others. On Wednesday, the day that Rachel left for her mothers (and when she returns, it will be to pick up her things) he went out with me that evening. (actually, I asked him to, I really did not want to be alone).
I just feel like he is doing all theses things for me. I really don't seem to be doing much for him. I'm not even sure what I can do for him. I don't see how I fit in. He is much more successful than me, he has a wife and his parents and brother live near by. I have another friend, call him tennis friend, and there are things that I feel I do for him. In fact, if he is having problems he can generally rely on me to help. However, workout friend doesn't really seem to need anything. What can I add? I somehow want to reciprocate, but I am not sure how.
Maybe part of this is that I feel insecure. I feel quite lonely. It is not that I am isolated. I have a couple of friends I see sometimes after work--namely workout friend and tennis friend. I am begining to worry about things. What am I going to do now. I feel like I need this friend. I don't want to overpower him with this need. I want him to continue with this friendship. I'm just not sure what to do. Maybe I worry that I'm not all that blessed w/ social skills. I wish I knew what to do to feel less needy.
I am also thinking about moving to a new city. If I do that, I'm not sure I can even figure out how to find many friends. It occurs to me that living with Rachel, I really didn't have that many friendships. Yes, I have a lot of friends I see at work. However, very few of them I actually see after work. That may be a larger pattern I have had since high school.
Have you ever had a friend that you never knew exactly why they wanted to be your friend, or perhaps why they were quite so helpful?
I have a friend, call him workout friend. He is a private attorney. He used to work at the Public Defender Office. He is friends with many other attorneys there. That is how I met him. He gave me a few tips. Every now and again I would ask him for professional ideas. He does well in some areas I do not, so he had some good ideas.
Recently I was talking to him. I explained some things about the termination of my recent relationship, among other things. He was actually very helpful. He suggested joining a gym. Actually, he suggested joingin his gym. We have since started a joint workout program. I think the plan is 4 nights per week, with a focus on lifting weights. Actually we lift weights. Afterwords I do my own cardio. He is also trying to help me get into a slightly larger social circle and involve me in his plans with several others. On Wednesday, the day that Rachel left for her mothers (and when she returns, it will be to pick up her things) he went out with me that evening. (actually, I asked him to, I really did not want to be alone).
I just feel like he is doing all theses things for me. I really don't seem to be doing much for him. I'm not even sure what I can do for him. I don't see how I fit in. He is much more successful than me, he has a wife and his parents and brother live near by. I have another friend, call him tennis friend, and there are things that I feel I do for him. In fact, if he is having problems he can generally rely on me to help. However, workout friend doesn't really seem to need anything. What can I add? I somehow want to reciprocate, but I am not sure how.
Maybe part of this is that I feel insecure. I feel quite lonely. It is not that I am isolated. I have a couple of friends I see sometimes after work--namely workout friend and tennis friend. I am begining to worry about things. What am I going to do now. I feel like I need this friend. I don't want to overpower him with this need. I want him to continue with this friendship. I'm just not sure what to do. Maybe I worry that I'm not all that blessed w/ social skills. I wish I knew what to do to feel less needy.
I am also thinking about moving to a new city. If I do that, I'm not sure I can even figure out how to find many friends. It occurs to me that living with Rachel, I really didn't have that many friendships. Yes, I have a lot of friends I see at work. However, very few of them I actually see after work. That may be a larger pattern I have had since high school.
